In these cases, the offended spouse begins to be forced into the role of a parent more than a spouse. Love cannot thrive where there is irresponsibility. 1 Timothy 5:8 ESV / 64 helpful votes. Question: "What does the Bible say about being a Christian husband?" Unfortunately, her husband didn’t share her capacity for wisdom and virtue. Peter’s point is that disobedient husbands are more likely to be won by godly practice than by preaching from their wives. And a husband must not divorce his wife. But just because the one in authority abuses his position does not give those under authority the right to resist, unless they must resist in order to obey God. Nowhere in the bible does it say follow your husband and let him lead you, even if it’s away from God because he has power and dominion over God; He does not. If you are wondering what the Bible says about pre-marital sex or marital sex, use the verses below to study in context what God would have for you to learn. Nowhere does it say in the bible to listen to and be obedient to your husband no matter what, even if they’re wrong, and what they say goes against God. Being a Good Parent. Should a Christian wife with an unbelieving husband assume responsibility for the spiritual training of the children. But the biblical spirit of submission involves far more than just grudgingly going along with orders (as often happens in the military). He said, “I may be sitting on the outside, but I’m standing on the inside.” That’s defiance, not submission. I heard of a wife who fell into bed and exclaimed, “Lord, I’m tired!” Her husband calmly said, “My dear, in the privacy of our own bedroom, you can call me Jim.” Proper submission doesn’t require addressing your husband as lord. In my book When Pleasing Others is Hurting You I explain how healthy marriages are built, in large part, on mutual respect. What can I do to help?” you’ve just de‑escalated the quarrel. 26 All day long he craves and craves, but the righteous gives and does not hold back. Inner beauty is attractive even to a godless husband, and it enhances a woman’s outward appearance. When you set a boundary, will you back it up? 6:14; Exod. I’d like to hear your experiences with narcissism in marriage. Some say that the Bible never tells a wife to obey her husband, but Peter holds up Sarah’s obedience to Abraham as an example of biblical submission. Thus the conversion of women was a culturally explosive situation. Her husband, who had made a profession of faith in Christ after I had shared the gospel with him, was an alcoholic. A wife who does not submit to her husband is not in submission to Christ. (Even though this passage is talking about unbelieving husbands, the principle is still the same.) The clearest picture of a Christian husband is presented in Ephesians 5:15–33. He has active practices in two Washington cities. Being Lonely. Divorce is allowed only in cases of adultery. I listened and then gently asked where in the Bible they found warrant for a wife leaving her husband because of drinking. 2 Thessalonians 3:5-13 May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance. Preachers are probably safe until they speak on a text which tells wives to submit to disobedient husbands! The Lord began showing her many ways that she was being selfish and manipulative. Harriet Lerner, in her book The Dance of Anger, talks about women who are “overfunctioners.” In fact, she notes that women overfunction “with a vengeance while complaining all the way.”. The tone of your voice and the words you speak reflect whether you respect your husband and are in submission to him, or whether you’re in a power struggle against him. I heard about a husband who nicknamed his wife Peg although that wasn’t her name. Next week I’ll hit the husbands, but today I ask each wife, even if your husband is a believer, to take a look at your behavior in this spiritual mirror and ask, “Is it attractive? Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. Proverbs is especially filled with wisdom concerning laziness and warnings to the lazy person. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. I’ve always done well, graduating from college near the top of my class. Practice some of these tools and let me know how they work for you. You can also find Dr. Hawkins on Facebook and Twitter. This passage tells us that husbands are to be self-sacrificing for their wives. But He really does! Again, Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Not only does this teach that wives must submit to their husbands, but the implication is that they must first submit to the Lord. It’s clear the Bible says laziness is evil! But you cannot use Scripture to force your wife to have sex with you. All rights reserved. The Bible openly tells us that there is no room for laziness in the life of a Christian. When you cut back, will he step up to accept responsibility? He has developed several programs for treatment of men dealing with these issues and the women who love them. But even then, it is not demanded. Please send your responses to TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com and visit my website at www.TheMarriageRecoveryCenter.com. They will notice attractive behavior and through it be drawn to the source of that behavior—a relationship with Jesus Christ. But sometimes love covers a multitude of sins (1 Pet. 10 Easy Ways to Get it Back, What to Do When Politics and Family Collide at Christmas, 5 Things Parents Should Know about "Soul", 9 Ways Grandparents Can Share Christmas This Year, Even from Far Away, New Podcast from Dan Darling: "The Characters of Christmas". Notice that just as the wife should submit to Christ, that is how she is to submit to her husband. Submission involves an attitude of respect and a recognition of the responsibility of the one in authority. Third, you must guard against what Harriet Lerner calls an “overfunctioner.” You may have chosen to be with someone who under-functions in part because of this tendency on your part. Most references to godliness do not differentiate between the attributes of a godly man and a godly woman. So even though I direct my comments to wives who have unbelieving husbands, the principles apply to us all, men and women alike. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. What does the Bible say about being a good student? You need to get help. The idea is that a godly wife will live in the fear of God, aware that He sees all that is going on (“in the sight of God,” 3:4). "For my husband is not at home, He has gone on a long journey; He has taken a bag of money with him, At the full moon he will come home." If so, what does that mean? He is the author of over 30 books, including Dealing With the CrazyMakers in Your Life, 90 Days to a Fantastic Marriage, and When Pleasing Others is Hurting You. Over the past ten years, Dr. Hawkins has become a leader in the field of treatment for narcissism and emotional abuse within relationships. He will see Christlikeness in her. Both men and women, if they belong to Christ by faith, have exhibited a godly sorrow that “produces repentance leading to salvation” (2 Corinthians 7:10). Dr. David Hawkins, MBA, MSW, MA, PhD, is a clinical psychologist who has helped bring healing to thousands of marriages and individuals since he began his work in 1976. 4. In other words, is there a proper place for “tough love”? If the husband becomes more obstinate, he can become abusive. 5:25) and to live with her in an understanding way, granting her honor (1 Pet. Love. He is not forbidding all braiding of hair or wearing of jewelry, or else he’s also forbidding wearing dresses! How can I get my husband to take more responsibility in our home? Because her ex-husband is remarried, Mary Ann can’t remedy this … The Bible says “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church” (Ephesians 5:23) and Christ tells us regarding his churches that “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.” (Revelation 3:19). Being Lucky. She is the most noble character I have ever known; if the conformation of her features is such that it might have masked her inward beauty to my soul then I am the great gainer by having lost my sight.” (Donald Barnhouse, Let Me Illustrate [Revell], p. Article Images Copyright ©, 5 Ways to Use Loving Words with Your Spouse, 5 Keys to Avoid the Hazards of Anxiety in Marriage, California - Do Not Sell My Personal Information. Does submission mean that a wife must suppress her personality and opinions? Does it make my husband want to follow my Lord Jesus Christ?”. I have always been the one to work while my husband is in and out of jobs. Your marriage needs to be transformed, from responsible/ irresponsible to mutually responsible. Yes, you’ve heard that before. First, the purpose of authority is to protect and bless those under authority, not to benefit the one in authority. This passage tells us that husbands are to be self-sacrificing for their wives. God is clear in Exodus 21:10-11 that a woman is to be freed (allowed a divorce) from a husband that refuses to provide her because in doing so he has breached the marriage covenant. So it refers to a wife who is not selfishly assertive, but rather who yields her rights without yielding her strength of character. The sluggard says, “There is a lion in the road! I take the words, “without being frightened by any fear” to mean that a woman should not fear her husband’s intimidation more than she fears God (see 3:2, “with fear” [of God]; 3:14‑15). A quiet woman exudes a confidence in her role and giftedness. Eventually, he quit drinking and began spending more time with his family. My husband barely made it through college and has not held a full-time job since graduating. Being a Good Steward. “You will go out through breaches in the walls, Each one straight before her, And you will be cast to Harmon,” declares the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. Although physical abuse is not a biblical basis for divorce, I would counsel separation in some cases to protect the wife while the husband gets his temper under control. It is critical that you explore your motives to ensure that you are willing to give up some of the responsibility you attract. There are several different scenarios to what one would consider a lazy husband to be, so let’s take a look at each of them. For instance, the Bible does not say anything about phone sex and web cam sex. Proverbs 13:4 - The soul of the sluggard desireth, and [hath] nothing: but the soul of the diligent … I think the answer is “Yes, but be careful!” Love seeks the highest good of the one loved, and sometimes that means confronting sin. These verses are tough to explain and apply in light of our modern culture. You can marry a beautiful woman, but beauty doesn’t make a virtuous woman. 4:8), so love doesn’t mean jumping on your husband’s every sin as if you were the Holy Spirit. Titus 2:5 echoes the same principle that wives are to submit in order not to dishonor the word of God or the faith. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Scripture makes it clear that such irresponsibility is a form of unfaithfulness and cannot exist in a marriage. How does being slothful ever glorify God? In 1 Corinthians 13, God tells us what love is and what it is not. 19:13b). “It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs‚ It always protects‚” (vs. 4-7 NIV). There is a lion in the streets!” As a door turns on its hinges, so does a sluggard on his bed. Being Like the World. Christian counselors also cite Proverbs 19:19 (“A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue 9 Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband,[a] 10 and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to … Someone has said, “Usually the husband regards himself as the head of the household, and the pedestrian has the right of way. Those who argue for “evangelical feminism” quickly go to Ephesians 5:21 and point out that both husbands and wives are to submit to one another. Before the late 20th century, it never occurred to scholars to interpret these texts the way modern evangelical feminists do. When Peter says that Sarah called Abraham lord, he is not setting down a mandate for all times. Your husband must turn his attention away from himself and his selfish pursuits to that of the marriage. And it’s especially for you that we look into the Bible today. Answer: The Bible says enough about being a Christian husband that a book could be written about it all. She won’t use deception or dishonesty to try to get her own way. A young officer who was blinded during a war met and later married one of the nurses who took care of him in the hospital. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. The Bible tells husbands to love their wives in a very special way, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up of her…” (Ephesians 5:25 ESV). She began to seek to please her husband and submit to him. Being a Good Husband. To live in the fear of God means that we recognize His holiness and wrath against all sin and therefore live obediently, even when it’s hard. I want to conclude by briefly answering three practical questions that arise on this topic: Peter’s words, “even if any of them are disobedient to the word” show that he wasn’t just thinking about nice husbands. That seems to be lacking in your marriage and other marriages where irresponsibility is paramount. In that society, a woman was expected to accept her husband’s religion. Yes, you’ve heard that before. 156.) While I focus on my marriage, my husband focuses on himself. The word “spirit” hints that these qualities are broad enough to allow room for personality differences. Peter was writing to women who had become Christians after marriage, but whose husbands were not yet believers. That’s not the biblical pattern for husbands or wives. At issue in particular, is the use of the phrases, “the husband of one wife” as found in 1 Timothy 3:2 and “the husbands of one wife” as found in 1 Timothy 3:12. Paul recognizes a sense in Christian marriage in which each partner submits to the other under Christ, but he also goes on to state that the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church. What, then, does submission mean? “Chaste” (3:2) can be translated “purity” (NIV). If she is lazy, nagging, and lacks discernment, then she is not a virtuous woman … It is true that a new believer is taught that “ …it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast ” (Ephesians 2:8-9). Just because divorce might be allowed in some situations is hardly the same as saying that getting that divorce is pleasing to Jesus.” I agree with you Anna that especially in America people think God does not want us to ever remain in a bad situation. 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